Okay so, I didn't use any quotes at all, answered one of the questions in just one word and altogether my irrelevantly-written essays would take up probably two pages at most?
But why does length matter when all of it is just crap? Like, seriously.
Sitting there hoping that my brain would send signals to my hand to write sensible and hopefully smart-sounding statements felt just like how it did when I sat for chinese o's, the mentality and all, and what did that get me? A 'U'.
Three guesses what my lit grade's gonna be.
I mean, in classes for assignments the average marks I get are always, without fail, 13/25. Or 14/25.
No more, no less.
In the exam, as I was writing I could already tell that it was WAY below my class-assignment-writing standard.
Not kidding.

Comparatively, most people in my class get 20/25, 23/25 (highest for prelims) and maybe a few 17-20s.
It's just not fair, I dedicate an entire hard-cover folder for lit. And don't get me wrong, it is thick. And I mean compilation-of-science-notes thick.
These people barely touch their lit texts.
Why? Why is this happening.

Screw humanities, I'm going to ITE.
Don't know why I even bothered in the first place.

Adventureland, zombieland and youth in revolt all at one shot.
Let's go, movie marathon!
Can I fit in enough movies such that I pull an all-nighter but end just in time to get to school for lit tomorrow?
Maybe I'll just rewatch all the tv series I have so far.
Sounds good to me.

Woke up in the afternoon today.
Decided to go for POA, parents bought lunch home for me the moment I made that decision.
Went for POA. Late.
Sat there for half an hour or so.
Left.
Immediately started pouring the moment we left.
Got wet.
Headed to the library.
Grabbed a number of shakespeare books.
Realised there weren't any seats.
None.
Even the floor was taken up.
Left.
Headed to SC macs.
Ate.
Ran around kinetic gardens messing with sound dishes and explored the grounds beyond the Science Centre.
Got carried away, basically.
Time check: 6.30pm.
Headed home.
Ate dinner, charged my iPod, watched As You Like It.
IT WAS REALLY GOOD.
Hilarious.
Started at 10 and ended around 12+.
Well, at least it was Shakespeare-related.
What a day.

Paper 2 was easy, the worst part is that I didn't finish.
Missed out on a few parts here and there, just like paper 1.
That's gonna cost me quite a few marks.
Actually, it's not that I didn't have enough time. I didn't exactly know how to show my workings for some parts or even do them. Some took me wayyyy too long (mensuration question). Ughhh.

Calculated.
Maximum marks, without taking into account careless mistakes I'm bound to have made somewhere, 88/100.
Once again, this contrasts with some people claiming of being able to secure their 'perfect score', which is 100/100. Others just moping over the few marks they lost, as usual. So according to you guys, a 95 or 96 is not good enough for you? Piss off.
SPORTS HALL WAS FREEZING TODAY.
First hour or so was quite bearable, then after that I think even my bones were shivering.
Had to rush to write my name and register no. on all my scripts and tie them up in order after time was up.
Should've seen my table, looked like I was having a garage sale or something.
Like, everything was in a mess.
I'm still worried now that I might have screwed up the order of the questions when I tied them up or something. zfhjaow983nvraoho837fhyabzvugrah

Calculated.
Overall, assuming my paper 1 gets a maximum of 60/80, which equates to 37.5% of the entire maths paper, added to the 44% from this paper, I'm looking at getting only 81.5% for maths in total.
But for the sake of carelessness, let's round that down to less than 80%.
Definitely not worthy of a distinction grade anymore.
I mean, in comparison with just my cohord alone, where everybody else is seemingly doing a whole lot better than I am, where do I stand?
Probably a C5, maybe a B4 at the most.
As I recall, 95% was the cut-off for getting an A1 last year so... yeah.

Humanities and sciences next week.
The week after? FREEDOM.
Not so worried about science.
Practical's definitely gonna pull me down though.
And it's not like studying my humanities now will make a huge amount of difference (ie. pulling up an F9 to an E8 even?) in the end so, it's pretty slack for me right now.
Gonna go grab some dinner then mope in bed over my marks as I try to sleep whilst coming to terms with the partially evident fact that I have no future whatsoever.

Just checked online for math paper 1 answers.
Unbelievable.
Made quite a number of careless mistakes, some of which I didn't even know about.
So maximum I'm getting is 60/80, give or take a few marks.
Whereas everybody else is complaining how they only lost 2 marks or only managed to get 76/80.
So annoying.
Bell curve's not looking good.
Hope paper 2 won't be so hard.

Screwed up english big time.
Not even gonna bother talking about it.
Maths paper 1 was actually do-able, except for a few parts here and there.
Ah who am I kidding, it was quite tough, as usual.
Been maintaining a 46/80 for every single paper 1 practice I've ever done.
Not exaggerating/kidding.
When my mock paper results came back, 48/80.
Oh wait, minus 2 for the graph-sketching part.
Ta-dah, magic number 46.
Bell curve's not going to be nice. At all.
Seeing everyone boast about how easy the paper was isn't helping.
Average everyone's getting, or believe they are gonna get, is at least 70+.
Things are not looking good.

No honestly, things do fall apart.
If you haven't read the book yet, read it.
I'm not kidding, the same concept of 'change' applies to our society today just like how it did in the story.
It's unbelievable actually, how I'm able to notice these things that nobody else does.

School's over.
Finally.
Having endured 4 whole years of adversity, I can finally leave all this behind a start afresh.
I want to forget everything that's happened in these years.
Because, in all honesty, the number of good things that's happened to me is far too negligible.
In a sense, I'm free.
No, I'm not one bit sentimental.
I would go for grad night, but only for certain teachers.
Since the majority of people that are gonna be there are, well, not teachers,
you can count me out.
I feel like o's are over already, like a huge burden just got lifted off my shoulders.

Still feel like I'm gonna get swamped by more annoying people in the next stage of my life though.
It's inevitable, in the sense that I am, after all, living in singapore.
Can't change that,
but at least I'm gonna enjoy myself between now and then.

Got back our report books today.
Lit, 42%.
8th percentile in the entire cohord.
Hence, this translates to me getting 8% in literature for o's.
Yup, 8%.
And that's just comparing to my school alone.
I can't even begin to imagine what it'll be like compared to other schools.
F9 for ss/geog. Oh and POA too.

Fuck aiming for a poly, I should be in ITE west campus.
The COP for the course I'm aiming for at NP just got lower. 11 points now.
Besides, I heard ITE west's got high quality facilities like a hotel, cafeterias, etc.
And their compound is massive, apparently.

Of course, my parents, being ever so supportive, told me I'm going to repeat sec 4 (wasn't an option), or just go to ITE, which I would be aiming for now, given the fact that we had our JAE briefing today.
I mean, other parents would be nagging, or at the least, encouraging other people to study.
And look at me, sitting here in front of the laptop, posting this message, free to use it again whenever I wish.
Not once have they ever stepped in and told me off just so I could get some work done.
What about all the efforts I've put in over the past one and a half years?
Wasted.
Heck, my sister's studying way harder than I ever have.
She's sec 1.
Who the hell needs good grades at sec 1?

Obviously, I'm just not cut out to excel in academics.
Fuck this.
Just another 4 weeks.

I give up.
I can't tolerate this anymore.
I couldn't care less about anything.
I'm not even going to bother to say I put in the effort to study,
what's the point?
Oh god just hurry up and get this over and fucking done with so I don't have to suffer anymore.
Pull through.
I will pull through.
Just a month to go.
Let's not make this about o's,
I've got bigger troubles to deal with at the moment.
Just a month to go,
and I'm free.
Free to leave everything behind.
To have a fresh start.
It's almost like life's offering me a reset button.
Fuck I feel like I could rip out my insides right now.
I think this period of time is designed to break the weak,
to reveal what people are genuinely like.
Well, quite obviously, I'm not very strong.
Never was, never will be.
Everyone keeps testing my tolerance,
and I allow the limit to be raised bit by bit gradually, as time passes.
But this.
This.
This breaches the limit, goes way past it.