We all need someone to drive us mad.

So, here's the updated list of my prelim results (3rd column) :





See, what did I tell you?
Flunked my humanities, as predicted.
Okay, I admit, I screwed up geography big time.
But literature?
Extremely disappointed.
Wrote essays on a daily basis between mid-years to prelims.
Expected to improve by at least a grade.
Everybody did better than me.
I'm the worst in class.
I'm hopeless.

I'm fucking disoriented these past few days.
For me, it seems like all mood is lost to study.
Yeah, I know, make a plan, stick to it, etc.
I have done so actually, in case you were wondering.
But it's the sticking to it part I have a problem with.
I don't know, I just feel like it won't make a difference in the end, whatever grades I get, no matter how much I study for humanities.
So why bother?

"Oh, maybe you're not studying smart and blah blah blah."
Yes, I know.
Been trying to work on that.
Don't really know what works best for me.
Especially literature.
Ugh.
I feel really terrible right now.

"Best kept secret in music."
Couldn't agree more.
Harmonica!

I feel that our society, our generation, in general, is pretty screwed up.
Why? Just look at us. Our education system, for example.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not pointing any fingers or blaming anyone in particular here, I just want to clear my mind a little for now.
Get some things straight.

I can't help but get the sense that certain classes, like mine, are genuinely at a disadvantage here.
We're constricted or limited by the number of subjects we take for our exams,
having been cut down to merely 6 or 7 subjects while others have the luxury (not exactly, but you get my point) of having 8 or 9 subjects.
True, it is, to a certain extent, our fault that we got stuck in this mess.
But is paying for it with the remainder in our pursuit of education really all that fair?

For instance, in barker, if a person wanted to go to a JC, but got posted to the Arts stream because his sec 2 or 3 results didn't do too well, then his chances of getting there would be quite slim, really.
Based on statistics, only 1 person made it to ACJC from the Arts stream last year.
One person.
Out of the entire class.
And if I remember correctly, this particular student had to appeal using his CCA and affiliation or whatnot.
So there.
This is, without a doubt, one of the various reasons why I've made my decision on getting into Ngee Ann Poly.

Furthermore, I occasionally detect a few hints that certain teachers have, in a way, already given up on our class?
I don't want to make this sound like it's entirely their fault, but it's like, ugh I can't put this in words.
Okay, let's use another example.
Literature.
Our teacher also happens to teach the academically-stronger classes for lit lessons, and he made it clear to us that between the end of prelims to o's, the school would primarily focus on aiding the students whom they feel have the potential to score distinctions.
In other words, more help would be given to the smarter students.
Which means that the weaker ones have less time allocated for them in their preparation for the exams.
Yup, yet another disadvantage.

I believe my dad did mention that there was some sort of a debate that arose pertaining to this matter in the past, but I'm not exactly sure what the outcome was. An ongoing debate, perhaps?

Yeah, so with these few minor disadvantages we have, I hope you understand now why some people have already given up in their studies, why some drop out of school, why some choose not to care anymore.

In my case, regardless of being in the lowest possible express stream class, I honestly do try to put in my best effort to study.
But it gets really difficult when there's so many people out there who proclaim that they've done oh-so-terribly and could've done so much better when the very marks/grades they get is what people like me, with subject-combination restrictions and other drawbacks, can only dream of getting.
You cry over marks or grades equivalent to double that of our scores, how do you think we feel then?
Sigh, it's under these circumstances that I truly feel destitute, like giving up, as if all hope is lost.

So if anyone out there reads this, know this:
If you're in a good class, or even a moderate one, be thankful.
But also be mindful, because not everyone is as privileged as you are.

My dad listens to Joan Jett, and owns most of the best classic rock albums of his time.
Chloe Moretz listens to The National, City and Colour, Band of Horses and so many more.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I AM UNAWARE OF?
Omg I'm literally dying inside right now.

Only got back our maths and science results the day before yesterday.
(Updated my trustworthy sticky note)
My science actually deproved!
By like a mere 0.5%.
Still, it's an A2.
I'm quite alright with that,
not totally though.
I need that A1.

Maths improved.
From mid-years at least.
Ranked 171st place in the cohord.
That can't be good.
Probably gonna fare worse than the entire sec 4 batch in singapore.
So, yeah.
Apparently we needed to attain 80% and above for prelims in order to be able to secure our distinction for O's, and I got a B3.
68%.
So goodbye, distinction.

I got back the two subjects I was banking on.
Why couldn't I at least get back my humanities first?
At least after a great depression I would hopefully get some sort of relief from maths and science.
Now I'm gonna be demoralized by the rest of my results.



Anyways, here's 3 things I've come to realise recently:

1) It's particularly harder to bring myself to study on a holiday as compared to any other school day.

2) No matter how much I study for my humanities subjects, I still do extremely badly. It's quite likely that my prelim results will prove this theory correct.

3) Edward Norton bears an uncanny resemblance to Matt Belamy! O: