Alas, here we are, just mere moments away from the end of yet another eventful year.
I'd still like to make the fairly common remark on how senselessly I've been acting the past year.
(fairly common because everybody says that nearing the end of each year)
Yes, I do look back and reflect upon myself and my ways and I'm ashamed.
Obviously, this would give me some sort of incentive to change my ways, better myself.
Little do I know that the term "better myself" is really quite subjective.
In the foreseeable future, what I see as "bettering myself" now would probably mean otherwise.
People should be made aware that the act of coming up with new year's resolutions,
trying to better themselves, so to speak, is naught but a vicious cycle.
It's quite pointless.
In the end, you'd be more than likely to arrive at the same stage as where I'm at right now;
looking back, reflecting, and thinking how stupid I've been the past year.
No?
Well, so much for a startling revelation to kick start your 2013 with!

Today and tomorrow also mark the end of a two-week break.
I must say, I haven't accomplished much.
And if you were talking in terms of assignments?
I've gotten nowhere at all. Ha ha ha.
I'm like the embodiment/epitome of procrastination,
if that were even a term one could use to describe me.
No but seriously though I should get started soon,
school starts on wednesday. Omg.
Not looking forward to another upcoming round of studio project.
I can actually feel the intensity from here, as of this moment. Ugh.

Well, to balance that off I guess there's shows in january to look forward to!
Particularly,

• TDCC! (11 Jan)
• Laneway (26 Jan)
• BIG NIGHT OUT! (30 Jan)

So I may have just accidentally planned a barker gathering on impulse with sebastian on the 27th.
What the fuck have I done
What the fuck was I thinking

Ugh

It's grad night all over again.
With the likes of, well, barker guys.

U g h

The very people I skipped grad night for to avoid,
are turning up for the event.
Can I back out now please

Omg

I really, really, REALLY don't want to see anybody can I not
Can we not

Especially when I know that certain people take a certain liking to and publicise/boast so shamelessly about certain THINGS that would automatically spike my "condescend-o-meter"

I just

Ugh

Fuck this, not in the mood to be cryptic and hint towards certain people or put them down right now.
I'll do it another time.
Honestly these people just get on my fucking nerves every time I'm not even kidding ugh

Why do such people even exist

No really

Why

This had better all be some sort of big practical joke, life

Gettin' real tired of your shit

fucking soccer pricks with their annoying soccer hype and soccer jokes and soccer EVERYTHING ugh hate all of you cunts you irritating pieces of shit just shut the fuck up and DIE omfg why the fuck is there even any reason to be getting so wound up or arrogant about a fucking ridiculous excuse for a sport EVERY SINGLE TIME I mean what is the bloody point in doing that really ugh my week's just run its course smoothly and I'd love for it to end off on a high note but NO I had to come home to THIS. I swear to god there's nothing I absolutely detest, hate, and abhor more than seeing people support SO OPENLY their dearly beloved teams and whatever the fuck else there is to it. ugh UGH U G H H H okay I'm sorry, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm depressed, I'm all wound up over SO MANY THINGS right now I just can't handle all this. okay. calm down. breathe. okay. my rant's done. I'm typing with considerably less force now. sigh, see what my intolerance has brought me to? but seriously though, why the fuck soccer. it's something I will never begin to comprehend.

I'm not sure what's the exact word to use here to describe "thinking of yourself above/better than others",
I think it stands somewhere between narcissism and an elitist nature?
Whatever, I'll stick with narcissism for now, for lack of a better & more accurate word.

It shouldn't be much of a surprise that my level of tolerance is, and has always been, at an all time low.
I thought I might try to evaluate my character in greater detail to find the cause of this behaviour.
The conclusion (okay not really) I've arrived at sort of follows the chicken-egg theory.

The way I see it, it could be one of two things:
I could either be intolerant due to the fact that I'm a bit of a narcissist,
or a narcissist because I'm intolerant.

Make any sense?

Let me try to cite some examples.
Okay on second thought, maybe not.
I'd be tapping on my narcissistic side by doing so.

In all honesty, I just really can't stand my class.
I'm also not sure how long I can remain stoic.
Some days I think I might just break, really.

Thank god I've got friends elsewhere to keep me sane.

Two more years of mental torture to go!
Then another couple years of both mental and physical torture in NS, whoopty-fucking-doo.
Us guys have SO MUCH to look forward to here in Singapore don't we?

Fuck it, I'm in no state to write a decent entry.

And just like that, 2012 is now only a month away from its end.
Well, if you counted in poly years, we're still about less than halfway through our academic year right now.

So anyway, here's some good and bad news.
Or, ups and downs, rather. I prefer that term.

The major downer would have to be the fact that I've lost everything.
On my laptop I mean.
Don't take the seemingly dramatic opening statement too seriously.
Sent it in for repairs about a month ago.
(yes, I have lived for a month at home without a proper computer)
Just got it back a couple days ago.
Dad had to run the installs and reboot the machine all over again.
This essentially means that all my previous stuff HAVE. BEEN. ERASED.
Completely wiped out.
Ugh, I honestly don't know what I was hoping for, really.
I mean, I can't begin to explain the despair I'm feeling right now.
All my pictures, a few thousand songs, approximately 50 movies & a couple of TV series' all gone.
Not to mention all of my schoolwork as well. Ugh.
I tried backing it up while it was in the "pre-damaged-beyond-DIY-repair stage".
(which meant I could still excess my files from the external hard drive, plugged as a USB into another machine)
Nothing worked. The files couldn't be copied out. Errors were inevitable.
Yeah, have I conveyed my misery in a bit more light/detail yet?

Sigh. Ah well, I'll try looking at this positively.
As how all of my previous laptops/computers have come and gone,
I shall see this as an opportunity to start afresh.
Download everything from scratch.
New songs, new shows, new way of organizing files, new everything.
Thing is, during this period of time I've already been influenced by several new artists and whatnot.
Even before the laptop had crashed.
So some of the considerably newer stuff was lost as well.
Y'know what I'm saying? Sigh.
Forget it, I'm wasting my breath going on about this.

On to the ups of the more recent parts of my life!
Having attended a number of shows here and there the past month,
(namely, Beach Fossils and Sigur Ros)
I've come to realise that I do have this unyielding (yet secret) passion for concert photography.
There. I've said it. (hope I don't jinx it, really *touch wood*)
Of course, that being said, I'm fully aware and open to the possibility of this being just a temporary passion,
a passing fancy, if you will.

Here's the slightly more secretive, influential parts of my passion revealed:
One word: Tumblr.
I swear, that site has been nothing more than a lifesaver for me. No joke!
But yeah, thanks to certain people and their blogs,
they've successfully stirred my love for music and photography and combined the two.
The end result, of course, would be none other than concert photography.
I'd love to be able to show their works here but I'd rather not,
what with copyright issues and proper creditability, blah blah blah.
If anyone was interested, I'd be happy to show off their blogs and portfolios for them!
However, seeing that I embrace anonymity, you can only do so personally. Heh.
Just ask me and I'll link you up!

Okay but yeah, there have been other sources of inspiration for me aside from Tumblr.
The most prominent one, or the one that really left an impression on me, was an article.
On my school website. (Hard to believe, I know)
Again, for anonymity's sake, no names shall be stated here.
But his story shall be told! (in summarised detail)
So basically, this graduate (or student, can't remember) who studied/studies under the same school (Interactive & Digital Media) as me, decided to take up concert photography during his early years as well.
Time went by and he started building up his own personal portfolio, which comprised his own commercial work and his gig shots.
Shortly after, he gets contacted by the Esplanade and is "one of six aspiring photographers to be mentored by Aloysius Lim, one of Singapore's highly sought-after photographers."
According to the article, it mentioned that he (Aloysius) photographed bands like Coldplay and Franz Ferdinand in the past! Which is just... WOW.
Also, If I'm not wrong, I think I did see his shots of Sigur Ros as well! (as an official photographer, of course)
Here's a few excerpts from the article (this part was said by the aspiring photographer):

"What made me pick up photography was my love for (band) gigs, seeing musicians live and trying to capture their emotions and actions through photos,” he said. “I have never had the chance to shoot for such a big festival as an official photographer before so I’m really just happy and thankful to be able to do so for Baybeats."

“There's never right or wrong in photography,” he said determinedly. “You need to constantly experiment and play around different methods and styles to achieve the shots you want and make them stunning.”

So there. Doubt you'd be able to feel as inspired as I was at that point in time when I read it though.
I guess now I actually have a reasonably feasible goal to work towards?
And faltering from this would prove to be quite improbable, given that I have my entire fucking class and school to push me to achieve this.
I'd rather not say how exactly they do, it should be relatively obvious.
Even without them, I'd say I'm pretty much dead set on going out to pursue this.
I think the only thing that demotivates me would be the people who are already oh so good at this.
All their talent and modesty and all just UGH. It just kills me.
Ah well. Gotta pull through and get over that.

Got plenty of opportunities next year to get some decent gig photos!
Looking forward to it!