11:12pm. Sunday night. Re-visiting old Bon Iver records. Sitting on my block’s roof. Soaking in the night’s breeze - accompanied by cheap cigarettes. A much-needed and well-deserved break from a hell of a month I must say. Haven’t been updating this blog here for quite some time. May not have seemed like a while but it certainly felt like it has been. Been far too busy for anything at all, really. I have literally been fighting and struggling so hard just to keep my head above water recently. For more info on that, refer to my latest Facebook post - the one with my shot of Caracal from this year's Baybeats - vague as it may be.

SO MUCH has changed within such a short period of time it's scary. Things that I had previously thought were once a foreign concept suddenly feels all too familiar to me, yet not? I’m not sure how to explain. I am suddenly OVERWHELMED with possibly a million different feelings, people, places, ideas and such. And I’m not entirely sure that’s a good thing? Can’t say for certain what kind of effects all this has on both my physical and mental health. I’ve definitely noticed some physical changes on my part. My being sick probably worsened all the symptoms overall, and the cigarettes aren't exactly helping with that but what the hell. However, that being said, I can’t even begin to imagine the detrimental (& possibly long-term) effects all this has on my mental state/well-being. And I can say for sure that of the two: this is definitely without a doubt my more fragile/brittle state. Sigh. Stay strong, Josh.

I don’t know what the future holds for me at this stage. And it’s frightening, to say the least. The fact that so much can change within such a short period of time is really quite terrifying - I cannot stress this enough - because who knows what’s in store for me, a few years down the road? I hate uncertainties. Especially when I have this sort of *grand plan* laid out ahead of me already in my head. The fact that it can all come crumbling down in a matter of seconds is just… I can’t even begin to fathom/comprehend the possibility of that happening. It's scary, it really is. Keep it together, Josh.