My gut wrenches at the sheer thought of receiving my enlistment letter.
I'm clearly not emotionally or mentally prepared for this next stage of my life at all.
The reality of it has only just sunk in - like a fatal blow to the chest - when I imagined how it'd be like the day that that letter finally comes. How would I react? How would I feel? I haven't the faintest idea. And that really fucking gets to me. I feel extremely uneasy.
But then I step back and think to myself: I think I'm always like this when I'm about to begin a new phase - whether it's the start of secondary school or orientation for poly - it's always a nerve-wrecking experience. Having to face all these people (again, probably the low-lives/scum of the earth) and actually having to converse with them ugh. But I get it over and done with.
This is different, though. This is the army we're talking about here.
No fun and games. No coming home at night to complain to parents about how utterly shit everything was (because let's face it, orientations are fucking miserable and could be deemed as one of (if not) the most inhumane form(s) of torture to date and I genuinely question the sanity of anyone who enjoys the whole process in even the slightest bit). No coming home from a 3D2N outward bound camp to complain about how shitty and disgusting everything was either. Fuck.
As if being stuck with the illiterate, uncultured swine of the Singaporean male population wasn't bad enough already. JFC.
I'm not emotionally or mentally prepared for all of this. I don't know if I ever will be.
This also sets my anxiety off on a whole different level, sigh.