need to rant again.
not gonna do it in full, just gonna list out some pointers.
it's way too late and i haven't slept well this past week.

1. fuck school (that should've been pretty obvious)

**2.** talk about how i can't fully enjoy ATTENDING gigs nowadays and not be able to shoot whoever's performing (ie. the xx, fall out boy), rant about out-of-this-world light set-ups and literally infinite possibilities for good shots from so many diff angles BUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SHOOT etc etc.

3. my inability to write properly, or to craft beautiful pieces of work (with words), which sorta links to the next point;

4. so many other people out there can write well and frankly i'm jealous. which leads to me questioning lots of things;

5. what am i doing with my life, like for serious. i've spent way more time than i should've showering while contemplating this very question on more than one occasion. what am i doing in this course. what am i gonna be doing a few years down the road. how will my career in photography (if i consider myself to even have one) pan out. (ie. i could be spending time bettering my writing or other things like playing instruments and whatnot, example of how aditya was so determined to pursue what he wanted to do - mass comm (not really sure what in particular, journalism or something i think?) and just swapped courses just like that)

sigh

6. creating a proper portfolio (blogspot is shit tbh), which leads to;

7. time management, the fact that i now actually have to be responsible in managing my time and all is just ugh. really? like, yeah. this is what growing up must be like. (ie. how much time and effort will i allow myself to spend on editing photos/making a proper portfolio with regards to my photography and how much time i HAVE TO SET ASIDE for work like schoolwork and stuff urgh)

8. other miscellaneous things like how i can actually feel time flying by really fast?



-UPDATE-

with regards to 5 & 7 i think it's mostly bc i've gotten close to a couple of coursemates and their workflow and everything and yeah, just. ugh. not that i don't like it (not entirely true) i just didn't, y'know, expect myself to actually have a workflow and all this its just. it's a lot to handle, that's all i'm saying. blah, idk. needa find time to properly explain myself. everything's in such a mess right now.

+ studio project coming up soon
+ one of my coursemates forewarning me of the many sleepness nights to come and basically the overall intensity of the project and his expectations and all ugh stress
+ do i really want all this?

fuck