nope, still extremely despondent about the fact that everyone's off having the time of their lives (ok not really but you get my point of exaggeration) shooting at baybeats this year.

i try my best not to think about it and just move on, but it just keeps coming back to bug me
sometimes it gets so bad to the point that it's really all i can think of - not being able to shoot this year, all the time wasted (again, not really but you get my point - using the time to better myself blah blah blah), how much everybody else (this time everybody else REALLY) is advancing in their careers and whatnot and how i'm stuck/held back/left behind to wait another year before i can further my (for lack of a better word) skill/talent in this field, etc etc - it gets pretty bad
i can barely function at times, when this is all i think about.
i don't even know.

also, amidst all the chaos and busyness lately i've been thinking more and more about the future, cliche as it may sound.
i am genuinely worried.
i think the reason why i'm so bothered like i've never been before about all this baybeats hubbub is because, put simply, i don't see myself doing anything as productive in the future, honestly.
photography seems to be my thing now.
haven't had enough time to think this through properly, lemme just put that out there.
i'm just rationalizing this on short notice.
i mean, how do i put this.
my mindset has already been set to work mode, in the field of photography, so to speak.
like, terms such as "clients", "assignments", etc etc. are becoming increasingly common to me now.
and i'm adapting, sorta.
i go on shoots, i'm working, if i'm lucky i get recognized?
yeah basically i'm pretty much in the "working" mindset for a photographer lately, a freelance one of course.

sigh.
definitely need to blog/rant again soon.