Feels great to actually have time to sit down and express my thoughts clearly.
Over the past few weeks there's always been pending tasks and whatnot, with work and everything.
Part of me hates it though - I think it's my youth, struggling, saying "It's not time yet! You're still young!"
The other part is just going with the flow, accepting the fact that, indeed, I am growing up.
Maybe there's this whole inner conflict going on in my head that I'm unaware of.
Maybe my "youthly side" isn't ready to adjust to any changes whatsoever.
Maybe it's just something I won't comprehend for now.
Sigh, I don't know.

I'm being exposed to more and more of the working world each day.
Although I wouldn't exactly call it the "working world", per se. Not in this scene at least.
Heh. Funny word, scene. I never knew it existed.
Okay fine, I did, but I never knew people actually used it and took it seriously?
Like, "Oh I heard that artist's pretty decent but I don't know him well enough cos he's/it's not really my scene," or "The music scene" in general, etc. you get my point. Yeah.
I guess what I mean to say is I'm being more exposed to how things are run in "this scene"?
And just adulthood as a whole, really.
I learnt that there's certain things, little as they may seem, that are the social norm - so to speak.
And naturally, more is expected from me because I've reached that age where I can safely say I'm no longer a kid anymore.

I'm really not used to this lifestyle, not yet at least.
I mean, ugh, it's just so hard to adjust, y'know?
But we don't really have a choice now do we?

_____

Since I'm on the topic of readjusting to life in the "adult scene", I thought I should start taking my photography quite seriously as of now, or so I've decided.
I know for certain that I'm still an amateur, but there's some things that I can change to suit the "professional look" - so to speak.
For instance: archiving and organizing all my photos and data properly.
I'd go into the minor details but I'm too lazy so yeah.
Basically this involves sorting everything out and having proper means through which I can upload my pictures. BASICALLY it's a lot of work.
I mean, I look at other photographers' stuff and portfolios and I'm just like, wow.
I am much too inferior.
I still have a loooooooooong way to go in order to achieve that standard.
Sigh. Baby steps josh, baby steps.

The annoying part is I can never seem to get started on anything.
Whenever I do, I never finish, and it just dies down.
Ugh.
Like, the photoblog for example.
Ever since my laptop died the other time I've put it on temporary hiatus, and now that it's back I can't seem to be bothered to do anything about it.
Don't get me wrong, I want to start, but, I don't know, I feel like if something obstructs or interrupts what I'm doing I have to restart?
Start afresh?
I don't know.

I have to sort everything out. SOON.
School starts in a few weeks.
I've got a couple of days left of work to go.
Come mid-April I'm due to get a new laptop because this one is a piece of crap.
Maybe then I'll start afresh.
Ugh I think all this is somehow attributed to me having OCD or something, idk.

Think that's it for now.