fuck. major concert shoot possibly getting turned down tomorrow.
i think i'm feeling as shit or maybe even worse than when i got turned down for baybeats.
i can't even begin to explain how much i was looking forward to tomorrow's show.
it's scary, i was just about to talk about how i actually had a nightmare just last night about the show.
as in, the nightmare saw me turning up late for the event,
then most of it was a blur,
think i only had my prime lens on me.
and to be more specific i recall only being able to take 5 pictures.
FIVE PICTURES.
of a full-scale concert, with a photo pit (which i was supposed to be getting tomorrow).
idk, to the average person it's not as scary but to me it was truly horrific.
then in the dream i found out those 5 pictures were completely shit (ie, blurred, face cropped off, body cropped off, etc.)
can you imagine for a moment, an opportunity like this slipping by just like that?
yeah, i think you get the idea.
pretty scarring dream.
was thinking about it almost the whole of today.
idk, maybe i was getting too worked up about this gig?
but c'mon, cut me some slack. it's, in all fairness, my first actual REAL show.
and i emphasize again, i was looking forward to it for the longest time now.
the moment i got asked if i could shoot the band because another guy couldn't make the re-scheduled date was probably one of the highest points in my life?
and now they tell me, at 2am in the morning, that they might not have photo passes.
fuck?
i don't know luh, the amount of preparation i put into all this mentally and physically is just... sigh.
really fucking depressed right now.

i have this theory that the more i prepare for a certain event in the future,
the less likely it'll happen.
like, especially when it's something i'm REALLY looking forward to.
could be anything - a date, an event, whatever.
basically the more i look forward to it and start planning ahead, the chances of it actually happening get slimmer and slimmer.
idk.
it's been this way for most cases so far.

sigh