The past couple of weeks have been a bit of a downer for me. Ignoring the fact that I absolutely hate the modules I'm taking this semester - which already is the basis, or the root, of my current miserable state - the only other pressing concern is how I'm going to be missing out on so many things while I'm away on my trip to Europe/London in June. The first would be the Baybeats Budding Photographers' Programme; a clash in schedules has effectively dwindled my chances of being selected to participate in this event. MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT. I'm not sure if I should even register anymore, I've only slightly more than a week left to do so. Following that, a trible-bill line-up gig at Zouk featuring WAVVES on the 15th I'm going to have to miss. By comparison, this isn't exactly the worst thing I'm losing out on in June; it's either the Budding Photog. Programme or this annual overseas trip my school organises to nearby countries like Malaysia (last year) and Indonesia (this year). I attended last year's trip, it was quite an experience. But now's not the time to babble on about it. There's only so much I'm willing to disclose about the trip, and how it's so impactful on me. All I can say is that one of my closest friendships were formed over time from that trip, and this year's one is offering me the opportunity, whether I decide to or not, further this relationship. The only problem is that with this opportunity comes a tremendous amount of internal/personal conflicts. I never expected to feel so ambivalent towards people before, especially not when I've got principles that barricade me from succumbing to these feelings. Knowing that, doesn't it go to show that said people actually mean something? Sigh I don't even know anymore. I can't even sort my thoughts out, that's the state I'm in right now - an utter mess.