Sunday, August 19, 2012, 1:15 PM //
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I realised that all these delusions unknowingly help me to get by.
It's not something I'm very proud to be admitting, but there you go.
I don't know, it's just whenever I spend loads of time talking to these so-called "friends" of mine,
or fill my head with all these fantasies (as you call them), I seem to lose track of time.
That's not a good thing. Not at all.
It's like doing drugs, come to think of it.
It's bad for me, but I still continue to do it because, frankly,
without it, I'd be on a downward spiral back to the miserable state I was in few months ago.
So it's like banking on false hopes to get me by.
I actually did notice this a while back but just couldn't find the time to express my thoughts.
And during that time I told myself, it's alright to carry on with this,
but I gotta know where to draw the lines.
I gotta be vigilant and not get caught up in these fantasies,
to keep telling myself it's not what this is all about, sad as it may be.
It's just reality.
Accepting this fact has been really difficult for me.
Some days it's a constant struggle for me to keep my head up.
Yeah, I think you get the point.
There's this excerpt I read from an interview conducted with Joseph Gordon-Levitt:
“The (500) Days of Summer attitude of “He wants you so bad” seems attractive to some women and men, especially younger ones, but I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is. He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.”
I literally re-read this about a dozen times over,
because it's uncanny how I can relate to this almost completely.
And this will undoubtedly serve as a constant reminder for me.