I'm at that stage in my life where I figure I'm just gonna bum around for the remainder of it and not make anything out of it.
I really just give up.
Ever since Other Sounds ceased operations, everything pretty much just turned to shit.
It's like that was my only link to music photography tbh.
It was as though somehow my editor's resigning had a direct effect on my drive to become a better music photographer.
It's like her will to continue slowly died down alongside my own (oblivious to me of course).
Now all I see whenever I'm on Facebook is just everybody getting on with their lives, making progress and moving further in the music photography world.
They all seem to be making it and becoming successful already - and here I am, lying morosely on my bed as I type this post, seemingly going nowhere in life.
Hell, ever since Other Sounds ceased operations I pretty much had no clue what I was to do after graduating.
For fuck's sake I'm barely halfway through my third year as of now.
What am I gonna do after army?
What am I gonna do during the army?
Uni? Freelance? I haven't a fucking clue.
So I pretty much decided I'm gonna bunk off.
Fuck it.
I always tell myself this: to tread lightly, ever so lightly.
I read that quote somewhere, and it sort of made sense to me.
If I treat everything with only the slightest amount of care, nothing will ever really hurt me.
Fuck it.
Ugh.
Feels so shit though, that I've completely stopped talking to everyone.
I don't even know how it happened.
I just... stopped.
The one close friend I had in Other Sounds, the other photographer, now part of a team who are altogether moving forward and becoming more successful? Totally stopped making conversation.
Maybe it's because I'm not as involved in the music scene in general as I was before?
I don't really feel that way though.
I feel like there's not enough gigs these days. International ones of course.
I don't know.
All I know is that I feel like utter shit every time I see all the photographers posting about their progress.
Knowing that they're all slowly progressing upwards in this line really is a knife to the back man.
It doesn't help seeing that other people in different lines of work (freelance journalism, etc) are also getting along pretty well.
I reflect back upon myself and I just draw a complete blank.
Fuck it.



Update: A relevant article