As I've said before, "the complete apathy I've come to foster for this course is insurmountable".
And I'm not even kidding.
Year 2 (semester 1) in Digital Visual Effects is completely bland, and totally devoid of any topics that come close to even the least bit interesting.
Lately I've become more aware that this course has altered my already neutral feelings towards what I would generally describe as "populist" films (such as Avengers, Iron Man, & basically any other huge blockbusters that are mostly heavy on VFX).
Allow me to shed more light on this:
In the past, I normally wouldn't think twice or decline an invitation to catch the latest "popular" film, like the latest Iron Man installment for instance.
I'd be quite alright with it, to be honest. I'd just go along with it.
Hell, it's nice to have a good kick every once in a while, y'know?
But now, the tables have turned.
Being in this course has somehow turned this general.. impartial feeling I've had for "popular" films into that of dislike - to an extent that borders dangerously on hatred, even.
Now, I dread the idea of having to step into a cinema to catch the latest blockbuster, or any other "populist" film for that matter.
I suppose it's mainly because I associate it with my course? So, naturally, hatred for course extends to hatred for popular VFX-heavy movies? I don't know.
I can't exactly describe the whole process in words, it's not something easily comprehended.
Basically, I think the gist of it is that learning all the rudiments, so to speak, of working behind-the-scenes in Visual Effects has become nothing more than a chore for me.
You know how when people have this passion to do something, take art for example, and decide to seriously pursue it, and wind up enrolling in some form of intensive study that over time completely drains them of any of that passion they once had?
It's basically the same situation for me right now, except I never had any passion for Visual Effects to begin with. So you can imagine the agony I'm being put through, what with the aforementioned "intensive studies" currently going on.
I mean, no disrespect to anyone who's actually keen on this stuff, but modelling? Eugh. Animation? ..Really? Programming? C'mon. Compositing? (whatever that is) Basically, MAJOR UGH.
This shit is not for me, clearly.
Just thought I'd clear that up.

I wish cigarettes could kill hormones
I wish I didn't have to feel vulnerable every once in a while

shit modules
shit sem
shit course
shit friends
shit mindset
shit life

i figure i'm just having another episode of impulsive/reckless behaviour but i really just absolutely can-not stand barker guys, like, at all. every last one of you disgust me, on so many levels, i can't even begin to describe. honestly idk what irks me more - your fuck-all attitudes or just the fact that you all act like know-it-all, better-off-than-everyone-else pricks - i really don't get it. also a big fuck you to those who see me as some JEALOUS/helpless idiot who only puts all these people down because you somehow have this misguided preconception that i actually WANT TO BE A PART OF THEM when in actual fact i have never felt so opposed to anything else. ugh. times like these i keep blaming myself for not persuading my parents enough to put me in an international school instead, i really do. because the honest truth is i don't, and have never, fit in a bloody elitist cult institution like barker and i cringe at the mere thought of having to associate with people from there. if you asked me out of the blue to weigh the pros and cons of being in barker you can bet your last dollar i'd put down every single stereotype/class/clique possible from barker, for the cons obviously. the pros? ha, non-existent. come to think of it, i'd probably have barker solely/primarily to blame for molding and shaping my superficial attitude towards most people these days. i have yet to decide whether that's a good or bad thing. so yes, back to international schooling. how i yearn to have had the privilege of following that path in my educational journey. fuck. really, i look back at barker and all i can feel is disgust, abhorrence, loathing, contempt, etc, but most of all regret. i hate how there's always all these constant reminders that i'm (helplessly) associated with barker in the form of pretentious pictures and obnoxious/condescending tweets/statuses on social media mostly. i mean, do you guys even have ANY idea how many people, within and outside of barker, that talk shit about all of you behind your backs? maybe you do, maybe you don't care, but fuck that. you wanna know what the worst part is? as much as i try, or have tried, rather, to disconnect myself entirely from this pathetic society that is the barker population, all attempts i've made have proven to be futile. there's ALWAYS a constant reminder, like the incessant buzz of an annoying insect, just pricking away at the back of my head. irritating, ugh. okay. rant's up, more or less. glad to have gotten this off my chest, for now. i know that sometime in the not-so-distant future this will come back to haunt me - it's a fact, it's a regular occurrence. god i hate this.