So I feel I like should talk about this other thing that's been bothering me for some time now.
And you won't hear me talking about this often, if not at all.
But with all that's happening right now, I feel I should get this off my chest.
Okay, so, to get straight to the point, I'm not exactly comfortable with, hmm, how should I put this,
settling down? For the future? I mean, I'm not comfortable with the idea of aging in general.
See, every time I think of what the future could possibly hold for me, I draw a complete blank.
I look at all these wedded couples, elderly folk, etc, and frankly, I don't see myself having any of that.
Whenever I try and picture myself in that scenario, I feel unsettled. Really unsettled.
I once mentioned before that I was gonna be a "bachelor for life", in a joking manner of course.
But it's slowly becoming a reality for me, sort of.
Basically, I don't want to get married.
I don't wanna grow old and have kids and start a family.
I don't wanna have to go through that.
There, I said it.
I'd honestly rather spend my time with someone special and that's it.
(If I ever do find that someone special, that is)
If you asked me, I'd choose staying this age over growing old and doing things the traditional way.
Getting married, having kids, starting a family, growing old, etc.
It's a cycle. I'm just not... comfortable with the whole picture.
Ugh, why do I feel like I'm being redundant here. Am I saying this right?
Okay, anyway, lots of people would say "oh, c'mon, you don't know what you're talking about,",
or, "you're too young to be making decisions like that,", but from where I am right now,
I think I'm seeing things pretty clearly. Maybe I'm not, maybe I am. I really don't know.
Like, how much could I possibly know about adulthood right?
I mean, it could be very different from the way I perceive it.
I don't know that for sure.
Sigh.

Another way of seeing this is, I figure, about finding the right person to... settle down with?
(aaaand cue super cliche-sounding entry)
I doubt this is will ever actually be the case, but, again, who knows right?
What if it's about meeting that special someone?
That special someone who, once you get to know, you'll be willing to do all that with?
asdf;jasdfjhdflasdf;halskdfh;akjsa;dfjhsdfkjh
Never mind. Just checking the possibilities here.

Due to my ridiculously short attention span, I shall stop here.
You may see more of these future-related posts in future, you may not.
(see what I did there?)
It all depends on how things turn out.

Not gonna lie, I think I'm gonna go insane soon, if I haven't already.
For so many reasons.

First off, ever since I entered this course I think my english has deteriorated by a significant amount.
And it's not even funny.
Like, no disrespect or anything, but nobody can speak proper or even decent english here.
No-bo-dy.
I mean, I don't know whether to envy them or just.. sigh.
I know that they can't help it, it's just the way they were brought up,
raised in different schools and homes and coming from all sorts of backgrounds.
But really, how is it that it's THAT bad? I can't even---ugh.
Plus the fact that I can relate to absolutely nobody as well isn't helping at all.
Again, no disrespect here, just stating facts;
Everyone in my class is obsessed with all these things that I honestly would regard as...well,
let's just say it's been quite a torment for me.
And believe me, I tried. I have been trying my best to get along, but how long can somebody remain stoic?
I could probably go on but I won't, just gonna leave this as it is for now.

Second, I think I've mentioned this before, no one is ever free anymore.
And by free I mean actually free to go out, like we used to back in the day.
(Wow. Back in the day. Did I really just use that phrase?)
Back then it was just a yes/no kinda thing,
didn't really have to worry much about the time/place, how long we spent out and all that.
Now? It's so inconvenient, such a burden just to organise a simple outing.
Like, credit cards, jobs, appointments, meetings, where did all these come from?
Suddenly everybody had them.
Everybody except me.
I can't help but feel a bit left out.
I don't know, am I digressing here? I think I am.



It'd just be nice to have a friend, just that one friend, regardless of sex or age or whatever,
that I can trust and confide in. That would make time to hear me out, or just to spend time with.
Because right now I have nobody.
Nobody.
And it's killing me.
Sigh.